A Laughing Matter

"Is anyone home?" yelled Luna into the seemingly empty mansion. Luna had just come home from school expecting to be greeted by her loving, uncle, but instead found herself alone. "Uncle, are you here?" she waited a few minutes and still no response. She walked into the kitchen hoping to find her uncle, but still nothing. In one last attempted she yelled "UNCLE! I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR COOKIES!" and listened for a response. This time she heard something. It wasn't her uncle, but something shaking. she turned around and noticed the fridge was violently shaking. Luna walked toward it and opened it and revealed her uncle. "Uncle Humor, what are you doing in the refrigerator?"

Humor fell out of the fridge and onto the floor. Then he snapped up and began talking. "Oh, hello Luna, nice of you to drop by. How was school?"
"Uncle, what were you doing in the fridge?" questioned Luna again.
"Well you see Luna, not everyone loves your good old uncle Humor now. In fact most police officers hate him! Also you weren't REALLY going to eat my cookies, right?"
"But why were you in the fridge?" she said, but this time with a colder attitude.
Humor signed "You are a lot like your mother, did I ever tell you that?" there was a moment of silence and then Humor continued "Well me and the popo had another party at the old mansion. Unfortunately the popo forgot to bring something to eat so I just ran into the kitchen to whip something up, but instead I fell into the fridge and got stuck." Another moment of silence.
"So the cops came snooping around for you and you couldn't fine anywhere to hide so you hid in the fridge?"
Humor giggled "you're become more like your uncle everyday. Now have you seen Rocks? He was suppose make us something to eat tonight."
"Nope, we are the only ones in the house that I know of"
"Drats, oh well, I guess I'll get started on it." He grabbed something out of the fridge, plopped it onto a cutting board, pulled a knife from his sleeve, and began cutting.
Luna stood nervously at the doorway. She wanted to ask her uncle a question but feared that if she did, he would do exactly what she wanted him NOT to do. She took a deep breath and asked anyway. "Uncle Humor?"
"HmmmMMMMMmmmm?"
"You are going to the Purple Walrus like you normally do this Friday, right?"
He stopped chopping. "What an odd question. You aren't planning on throwing a wild party or running away or committing suicide on that date, were you?"
Luna nervously laughed "No, nothing like that uncle, I was just curious."
He continued chopping "Well I WAS going to unless you-"
"NOOOO!" Shouted Luna. Humor smiled. "I mean, no need to cancel your plans for little old me."
Humor started laughing "Oh my dear Luna, If I didn't know any better I'd say you were my own daughter," the room fell silent again, "but my own daughter wouldn't keep secrets from me. Unlike someone in this room," Luna began to squirm a little in her seat, "Now tell me dear, you won't really have eaten my cookies, right?"
Luna sighed in relief "No Uncle, I would never eat your cookies."
"Good! Now that you passed the first round, lets begin round 2. What are your plans for Friday?"
"Nothing I was just-"
"Oh Luna I'm hurt, how can you have a party and not invited me?"
"It's not a party, uncle...it's a..." Luna really didn't wanna finish her sentence
"It's a...?"
She finally gave in "It's a date, uncle"

It began how they all began. A little conversation here and there, the occasional awkward silence, feelings of doubt about how much he really likes you, you know, the usual stuff.

She tried to break the ice. "Thank you for taking me here; I've never even heard of this place until today."
"Oh no problem, I'm just glad that you like it. I was a bit iffy, but I decided what the heck"
He smiled, he had one of those smiles that brightened everyone's day. Uncle always called it a devil's smile. "You can't trust someone with a devil's smile," he'd say, "they reel you in, cut you up, and then just to be funny, throw you back where they found you." Oh Uncle, he had his...ideas about people. She was lucky that he was letting her do this instead making her do one of his shenanigans. Or worse, make her invite him over for dinner. Luna dreaded the thought of the day when her Uncle would meet James. Hopefully that day won't come for a very long, long time.

Her phone rang.
"Oh, will you excu-"
"Go ahead, I'll still be here when you return"
"I knew you'd understand"
"Don't take to long though, I don't think I can handle not seeing your pretty face for to long."
She giggled and winked.

She answered the phone, "Hello?"
"Hello Luna, I'm sorry to drop in on your little date, but it seems we have a dilemma down at the docks."
Luna groaned, "can't you take care of this? I'm busy."
"He isn't my arch-nemesis. And besides, if things don't work out with John-"
"James" Luna could tell that this peeved her uncle a bit. He didn't like it when people interrupt his jokes. He always said it ruins the spirit of the joke, and to be honest, most of the time it did.
"Whatever, if things don't work out with him you could go on a date with you arch," he laughed.
"Ha ha ha, very funny, UUUUUGGGGHHHH! fine, I guess I'll go."
"That's the spirit, say hi for me." He hung up.

She walked back to the table but James was no where to be seen. He did this often. Luna moaned, "worst date ever."

James looked at his watch. He held down a button on the side of it and began talking to it.
"Status report?"
"It came in, boss, but it isn't in one piece"
"What? How many pieces is it in?"
"Two, sir"
"They are going to have to pay for the damage. Can you stall them for a little bit while I get there?"
"Sure thing, boss"

James left the restaurant and drove down to the docks on his motorcycle. But once he got there he was no longer James, no, he was now a mysterious criminal by the name of Conundrum.

He walked into the warehouse next to the docks where his shipment was sent. James could already see the damage. It was repairable, but it was going to take him months to fix it. He did a hand gesture to some of his men. They dragged over a man with a bag over his head. James removed the bag and began questioning him.
"So your employer thinks they can send me a broken item and expect me to pay full price? What is he, Mr. Humor? You must be one of Determinator's errand boys. Why she works with the clown, I'll never know"
"Please sir, let me go, I only did the job so that I can afford my son's operation."
"You can have your freedom"
"Oh, God bless you, si-"
"If you can answer this one question" Conundrum's grin grew as his victims began to fade.
"Your employer would like this one, I can be cracked, I can be made. I can be told, I can be played. What am I?"
The man squirmed for he knew his fate, but before he could give an answer, a voice from the shadows responded for him

"A joke," Determinator shot the two men with her plasma laser, freeing the man they were holding. All the other guards pointed their guns at her. Conundrum held his hand up, stopping them from letting loose on their new guest.

'Oh CoD4, my voice changer is broken. Don't panic, just play it cool, he probably won't even end up talking to you anyway'
"Is this one yours? Or does he belong to the Butcher?"
'Oh God, that means she is going to be here. Crap, I don't want to deal with her, anyone but her. She is SOOOOOOOOOOO annoying.'
"Well are you going to say anything? Or just sit there and point your gun at me?"
'Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh, you know what, screw it,' Determinator threw a smoke bomb toward Conundrum and ran out. Mr. Humor told her to stop him from getting the goods and since they are broken then they are pretty much worthless anyway, right?

Spoiler:

"YOU WHAT!?!?!?" Humor was infuriated.
"It was broken, Uncle. It was useless." pleaded Luna trying to defend herself.
"You know what else was broken? TOMBSTONE! And although sometimes I do believe he is useless, most of the time he tends to be a machine of destruction...and spine breaking."
Luna sat there quietly until something popped into her head. "Conundrum bought the device from her. Why did she have it?"
Humor sat back in his seat and had a puzzled look on his face. He turned his chair around and stared out the window behind him, with his hand stroking his chin. "That is a good question. Let me be, will you? Something smells fishy and and it isn't even Thursday."
"Uncle, fish night is on Friday."
"Whatever! Just get out of here before I slap you like a red headed step-child."
Luna ran out. She had gotten out of trouble for now. She felt victorious.