History of the World

Well, well, well, looky what we have here. You know why you are here? CUZ YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR BELOVED EARTH!!!! You see, the government has been lying to us for years about history. Saying made up things like "The Earth is round" or "some Asian guy invented the printing press" or "you can breath". Fortunately you have stumbled upon this magical place and now will learn about the true History of the World.

Lesson 1: First Humans

The original humans were separated by two major things, race and region. The Crackers were found in America, The Black People were found in Africa, Mexicanos were found in Mexico, Indians were found in India, Asians were found in China, and Numbers were found in Russia.

Ok, I'm to distracted at the moment to continue with Lesson 2. I shall continue later. NOW GO KILL YOURSELF...but first read this...AND THEN KILL YOURSELF!!!

Lesson 2: Man and his Discoveries

Ah yes, first man. The few, the proud, the incest. Yes, most people dont like to point out that to make the human race as big as it is today we probably began with a bunch of brothers and sisters just totally wrecking it up with each other (try not to think to hard on this). But other then "the Big Bang", as scientist refer to it, The first humans also did something that will help us even today! Discover fire. That is right, Fire.

Lesson 3: Fire and Why We Love It

Fire is GRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT! it helps us cook, provide heat during the winter, and burn people alive. You see, when man first discovered fire he was intrigued by it. It was the first thing that wasn't a solid that he had ever seen. He tried controlling it, but it just burnt him. He tried negotiating with it, but that just made it burn brighter. He tried giving it stuff but it just destroyed the gifts. So how did man conquer this mighty beast you ask? He made the flamethrower. It is a little known fact that flamethrowers do not only spray out flames, but they also suck them in. You see, to be able to shoot flames from the flamethrower the man must suck up a flame first. Then once it is sucked up it can be stored within the backpack thing and be used for later. And that is exactly what our very first ancestors did.

Stay tune for Lesson 4!

Lesson 4: Mans Greatest Discovery (OF ALL TIME)

Man has discovered a lot over the years, but nothing compares to man's greatest discovery. What is this great discovery you may ask? It is the rock. Indeed, the rock, tis a great discovery. The rock is easy to find, makes a good pet, also is a decent weapon when not armed with anything else. Indeed, the rock is a very powerful and misunderstood discovery. Most people think "guns and cars and airplanes are ten times better discoveries, why is something so stupid considered so great >:(". Well people who think that, you better LISTEN UP cuz i'm about to tell you. The reason the rock is the greatest discovery and not all that other stuff is because all that other stuff wasn't discovered, you idiot! They were invented unlike the rock which was already made and just great. You see, the definition of 'invention' is "something something something something MAN MADE!!!!" unlike the rock which was just pure amazing cuz it has no instructions nor does it really have any flaws to it cuz ITS A ROCK!!!!

Anyway, i have to go. GOOD BYE! we shall continue Lesson 5 another time